STRIPPERS VS. WEREWOLVES

by Mark'd Commode

5.5 out of 10

Release Date: 27th April 2012

Director: Jonathan Glendening (13HRs / SNUB!)

Cast: Billy Murray, Adele Silva, Martin Compston, Nick Nevern, Ali Bastian, Sarah Douglas, Barbara Nedeljakova, Simon Phillips, Marc Baylis, Alan Ford, Coralie Rose, Rita Ramnani, Joe Egan, Dominic Burns, Alex Esmail, Lucy Pinder, Charlie Bond and Steven Berkoff with Lysette Anthony, Martin Kemp and Robert Englund

Writer: Pat Higgins & Phill Barron

Trailer: STRIPPERS VS. WEREWOLVES

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Not to be confused with the similarly titled Cockney’s Vs. Zombies currently doing the rounds at UK cinemas, this is a pretty damn funny stab at comedy from Simon Phillips (JACK FALLS)  and his usual suspects.  This is entertaining on levels you never knew you had.  It has a surprisingly high gag quota but leave it to unintentional comedies like Dead Cert or The Reverend (2012) to fully help you realise how bad things had gotten quality wise for UK independent cinema.  Perhaps the worst werewolf make up in the history of cinema is a reason to recommend this oddity. It certainly looks like it was just as much fun to make than it is to watch. Strippers Vs Werewolves is definitely a great change of pace from the poe-faced and risible gangster flicks flooding the supermarket DVD shelves.

Plotwise it seems to be over packed rather than slimline.  In short we have a strip club and a group of wandering werewolves led by Billy Murray (ROLLIN WITH THE NINES).  They clash when **SPOILER** one of the werewolves gets killed (MARTIN KEMP – THE KRAYS) mid-private dance by Adele Silva (EMMERDALE ) with a silver pen.  Revenge is sought and an old conflict between the club owner Sarah Douglas (SUPERMAN II) re-raises its ugly head once more.  The strippers team up to fend off the hairy marauders with one or two lame surprises thrown into the mix. Oddly enough it’s Steven Berkoff’s (DEAD CERT) cameo that raises most of the titters. Offed mid-torture by the werewolves, his victim asks the lupines whether they were a team of superhero werewolves protecting the innocent from cockney gangsters – to which they reply they are just ordinary werewolves of the hungry murderous kind. Laugh? I almost choked.  Simon Phillips submits his best performance ever as a master of the occult who is called in to help despatch the supernatural critters.  Pure brilliance. Perhaps comedy is his natural forte.

In Strippers Vs. Werewolves there’s a surfeit of slapstick and without giving away anymore jokes it’s hard to know what else to say about it.  If you’re watching it because of the silly title, it provides exactly what you are looking for. There is a supremely lacklustre sex scene in it though, so don’t expect titilation, this is pure comedy-ploitation with gormless horror add ons. The cast are suitably game and its a treat to see horror genre king Robert Englund (NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET) as the former pack alpha chewing some scenery.

5.5 out of 10 – Dumb to the bone. But who cares? If you watch movies like Strippers Vs. Werewolves you’re unlikely to care what an amateur film critic thinks.  Sporadically funny. And it’s also fun to spot familiar faces from film and TV let their hair down and get stupid.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT PERSON IN BEFORE?

One thought on “STRIPPERS VS. WEREWOLVES”

  1. REVIEW BY JOE PESCI II of MATT’S HAIRY DUNGEON MOVIES TM http://www.mattshairydungeonmovies.com

    Plagued. Plagued I am by Sothcott and Philips. They inhabit my every waking moment, my every disturbed dream. And sometimes there is another, a third man, more shadowy, more sinister and with a whole bag of baggage of his own and that man that is Billy Murray. This trio have been stalking me, even though they don’t know it, for months now. Whenever I approach my television (which I do with trepidation) the likelihood is that they or their work will soon be beamed to me. They are the dark trio of British independent cinema. I have boxes and boxes of DVDs of films that they have made. And I have to watch them. And write about them. And sometimes I think it’s killing me. Sometimes they fall on my head at night (an experience significantly scarier than anything in DEAD CERT or THE REVEREND). This is the thirteenth film I’ve seen in which one, two, or all three have been involved. I have to admit though, thirteen seems to have turned out to be a lucky number.
    I never expected to write these words but here they are: STRIPPERS VS WEREWOLVES is pretty good.
    I know. Everything about this film should be abysmal, reprehensible, objectionable and wrong. But… I think the SPM troika spotted every conceivable objection coming and prepared some watertight defences. And somehow get away with it.
    Honestly, I was prepared to abhor. I was sitting there, abhorring away, in a fairly sulky mood after being made redundant, daring it to make me laugh, and then, just when I didn’t expect it to, it did. There’s a scene involving a werewolf and a gate. After that I gave in.
    Now let’s examine that title. STRIPPERS VS WEREWOLVES, in case you’d forgotten. Well, there are strippers involved, but very little in the way of stripping; similarly there are werewolves on view, but they are not fearsome or scary (indeed they’re quite cute and look like something Gerry Anderson might have invented). Clearly the title is both accurate and misleading. Maybe that little word ‘vs’ is a clue? It’s not a word you find in any of the great masterpieces. But you do find it in, for example, the film COCKNEYS VS ZOMBIES, or GODZILLA VS whichever creature the producers think they can get away with without having to pay royalties to the creators. Yes, it’s a comic ‘vs’! Let’s look at that title again: STRIPPERS VS WEREWOLVES. It looks to me like a deliberately dumb and funny title for a deliberately dumb and funny film. Which is just as well, as this is precisely what it is. So in case there are any morons considering watching this film, please be aware – for titillation or fear, look elsewhere. (And if you do insist on looking at this film in some sort of ‘serious’ light, please explain the werewolves’ make-up).
    But why are the strippers and werewolves in this situation? What is the nature of their adversity? Well, if you’ve seen DEAD CERT (and survived) (and how I wish some of this lot had turned up to alleviate that drivel) (mind you they do share seven actors)then you will be familiar with the idea of vampires wanting to take over seedy London clubs. This is basically a remake, with werewolves (se title) and they’re more interested in carnage rather than a base for ‘operations’. Curiously Billy Murray was the lead vampire in the earlier film. He’s much better here, as the lead werewolf. He’s very versatile. So a werewolf starts getting vulpine and a stripper from EMMERDALE (Adele Silva – not that she was a stripper in EMMERDALE, well she might have been) kills him. Nick Nevern has to pick up the pieces, and it’s good to see him subverting his image (building on WHITE COLLAR HOOLIGAN and sloughing off that dreary GBH) (which was directed by a certain Simon Philips). After that, well, strippers vs werewolves, vying for survival and control of the club, much as you’d expect.
    But along the way, what joy! (Well, ‘joy’ may be a bit strong.)Sarah Douglas! From SUPERMAN II! She gives the film a dose of clas (not too much mind). Simon Philips reveals himself to be some manner of comedy king (maybe I’m overcompensating but he made me laugh, in a good way) (and I suspect he only took the role on so he could get attacked by Page 3 girls). His break-up with Barbara Nedeljakova and their subsequent werewolf /vampire-affected phone calls (though the AIRBORNE reference , and indeed the appearance of Dominic Burns were utterly gratuitous) are the best bits of the film. Except maybe for Steven Berkoff’s scene. And the deserted car park from WHITE COLLAR HOOLIGAN and GBH puts in another appearance. It must be really near Nick Nevern’s house. (Yes, I put that in my ‘joys’ section, that’s a bit odd, but it was nice to see, like an old friend putting in an unexpected appearance.)
    Not all is rosy alas. Alan Ford is subdued, maybe he just turned up as a favour (he doesn’t even swear – very odd). The first attack on the club is underdone (and does it really make dramatic sense to have more than one attack?). And all that stuff about lycanthropes reforming after being blown to smithereens – is that new? Or have I just exposed my ignorance to there? Is it a TWILIGHT thing? Some of the plotting doesn’t work (particularly the Compston/Silva stuff which I think they were making up as they went along, though I liked that she was pretending to work at a dogs’ sanctuary)(I’m easily pleased.)
    There is one ill-advised sequence: werewolves chasing a naked (non-stripper) woman around then killing her. That was gratuitous and not really in keeping with the rest of the film. It is, for the most part a larky film, not a sick comedy (maybe it wanted to be but it isn’t).
    Performances range from the OK (Martin Compston seems to be the same irritating berk every time) to the OK (Ali Bastian as a bimbo though they seem to have forgotten to give her enough bimbo lines), but it’s not often that a film cuts to a shot of Simon Philips and I think ‘great, he’s not dead!’ But this happens here. Meanwhile Billy Murray turns up in a kind of extended Billy Murray Plus role. He’s in the whole film, not just doing the sort of cameo which falls to the likes of Berkoff, Martin Kemp and Lysette Anthony in this film.
    Now, it would be ludicrous, vain and ill-advised to suggest that this is some sort of feminist movie. So, here goes, for that is exactly what it is. Honest. Obviously, the girls need a man to save them, but he can’t do that without them. Even the scorecard gives the strippers the edge (I think). So yes, this is definitely as feminist as this sort of low budget British movie gets: none of the women are there to simply advise/berate/copulate with their menfolk . And they’re even allowed to be funny. One day we will look back at STRIPPERS VS WEREWOLVES and we will see it as a milestone. Or millstone.

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