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THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD

by Mark'd Commode

7.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 24th January 2020

Director: Armando Ianucci (Avenue 5 (TV) / The Death of Stalin / Veep (TV) / In The Loop / In The Thick of It (TV) / Time Trumpet (TV) / I’m Alan Partridge (TV) / The Armando Ianucci Show (TV))

Cast: Dev Patel, Hugh Laurie, Tilda Swinton, Morfydd Clark, Aneurin Barnard with Ben Whishaw and Peter Capaldi with Rosalind Eleazar, Bronagh Gallagher, Daisy May Cooper, Anthony Welsh, Benedict Wong, Aimee Kelly, Nikki Amuka-Bird, Anna Maxwell Martin, Darren Boyd, Victor McGuire, Peter Singh, Fisayo Akinade, Divian Ladwa, Lynn Hunter, Rosaleen Linehan, Ranveer Jaiswal with Paul Whitehouse and Gwendoline Christie

Writer: Armando Ianuuci & Simon Blackwell / Charles Dickens

Trailer:THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

POSSUM

by Mark'd Commode

6.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 26th October 2018

Director: Matthew Holness (Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place (TV))

Cast: Sean Harris and Alun Armstrong

Writer: Matthew Holness

Trailer: POSSUM

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Sean Harris: The King (2020), Mission Impossible 6 – Fallout, Trespass Against Us, Mission Impossible 5 – Rogue Nation, Macbeth (2015), The Goob, ’71, Serena, Deliver Us From Evil, The Borgias (TV), Prometheus, A Lonely Place To Die, Brighton Rock (2011), Isolation, Creep, Harry Brown, 24 Hour Party People, Outlaw, Brothers Of The Head, Trauma
  • Alun Armstrong: Funny Cow, Prime Suspect (TV), Golden Years, Penny Dreadful (TV), New Tricks (TV), Little Dorritt (TV), Eragon, Bleak House (TV), Oliver Twist (2005), Millions, Van Helsing, Strictly Sinatra, The Mummy 2, Sleepy Hollow, GMT – Greenwich Mean Time, Onegin, With or Without You, The Saint, Our Friends In The North (TV), Braveheart, An Awfully Big Adventure, Black Beauty (1994), Blue Ice, Patriot Games, Split Second, London Kills Me, American Friends, White Hunter Black Heart, Billy The Kid and The Green Baize Vampire, The French Lieutenant’s Woman, A Bridge Too Far, Krull, The Duellists, Our Day Out, The Likely Lads, Get Carter

POSTCARDS FROM LONDON

by Mark'd Commode

2.5 out of 10

Release date: 7th August 2018

Director: Steve McLean

Cast: Harris Dickson, Johah Hauer-King, Jerome Holder, Leemore Marrett jr, Alessanda Cimadamore, Leonardo Salerni, Raphael Desprez, Leo Hatton, Emma Curtis, Ben Cura, Trevor Cooper and Richard Durden with Stephen Boxer and Silas Carson

Writer: Steve McLean

Trailer: POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE

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The spirit of Derek Jarman is rudely evoked in this arty comedy-drama about a raconteur who becomes the sexy toast of Soho one summer. Postcards from London is a lo-fi drama that revisits spaces and places once occupied by the 1970s/80s gay auteur Derek Jarman, yet it apes and replicates where it should only really pay light homage. It’s like a cover version of an old song that uses the same melody but uses its own words. The film is hard to completely dislike, but it’s rare that the story ever comes to life. The choice to present the film in studio/indoor set-locations enhance its otherworldliness and inauthenticity. This is hampered by stilted acting (obviously a style not bad acting) and a very wooden script that strives for intelligence but just sounds pretentious. It suggests that an understanding and feel for art can be learnt in a book, with the raconteurs / rent boys frequently offering art theory up as conversation substitute simply because their clients are erudite and cultured too. Sex isn’t enoughit would seem.

The story revolves around a beautiful boy (HARRIS DICKINSON – BEACH RATS) who falls in with a bunch of cultured rent-boys. He finds that he has a rare medical condition in which he is overwhelmed by fine art and faints when exposed to it. Each time he passes out he imagines himself in the painting itself. The paintings are mainly by Caravaggio, who employed street people to model for him. He then becomes a muse, and is later exploited by a businessman who uses our hero to weed out forged paintings from the real masterpieces. Then he leaves town and it’s the end.

The tableaux are definitely evocative of Derek Jarman’s film Caravaggio, and the closed sets and acting style are also reminiscent of the master’s works. The look of the actors and the employment of European performers also conjures up memories of his films. As a stand-alone film Postcards for London is an odd-ball, neither funny, or a clever as it thinks it is, its difficult to know who would like it. It’s not even racey enough to draw in fans of skinflicks, the sex never happens (or remains unseen). The best I can say for this film is that it’s a real throwback to the largely ignored films Channel Four used to produce in the 80s and early 90s.

2.5 out of 10 – This Derek Jarman-esque drama fails to find a voice of its own and stumbles hard under its own artistic pretensions. Neither fun, nor educational, it’s still the kind of film you rarely see made these days. Is that a good thing? In this case, its a resounding no from me, sadly.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Harris Dickson: Kingsman 4, Maleficent 2, The Darkest Minds, Beach Rats
  • Jonah Hauer-King: The Last Photograph
  • Jerome Holder: Mad to be Normal, Dough, Honeytrap, Shank, Holby City (TV), The Story of Tracy Beaker (TV)
  • Emma Curtis: The Hippopotamus
  • Ben Cura: White Island
  • Trevor Cooper: Crooked House, Call The Midwife (TV),  A Quiet Passion, Until Death, Chromophobia
  • Richard Durden: Churchill, Dickensian (TV), Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (TV), Papadopoulos & Sons, From Paris With Love
  • Stephen Boxer: The Gatehouse, Humans (TV), Doctors (TV), Different for Girls
  • Silas Carson: Eastenders (TV), Miss You Already, Blood Cells, The C Word, The Casual Vacancy (TV), The Dying of the Light, Locke (voice), It’s a Lot, Cleanskin, Holby City (TV), Pimp, Doctor Who (TV), Waterloo Road (TV), The Bill (TV), Star Wars – Revenge Of The Sith (voice), Hidalgo, Star Wars – Attack Of The Clones (voice), Star Wars – The Phantom Menace (voice),

PATIENT ZERO

by Mark'd Commode

5.5 out of 10

Release date: 5th November 2018 (DVD premiere)

Director: Stefan Ruzowitzky (Dead Fall / The Counterfeiters)

Cast: Matt Smith, Natalie Dormer, Stanley Tucci, Clive Standen, John Bradley, colin McFarlane, James Northcote, with Agyness Deyn and Frederick Schmidt

Writer: Mike Le

Trailer: PATIENT ZERO

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One time Doctor Who, Matt Smith takes on a rare lead role in this interesting zombie movie.  He’s an odd actor who always chooses cerebrally advantaged or gifted loners to essay in his films and TV shows, and therefore there’s always a distance that I can’t bridge because there’s a coldness to his personas. I realise I just said I was a thicko, but I can’t be arsed to go back and rewrite that intro so kiss my ass.

Tin-earred dialogue and some severely naff set-pieces or plot devices almost scupper Patient Zero, however the film picks up considerably once the clunky early scenes work themselves out and the characters take over. Society has been destroyed , we’re informed by Matt Smith’s zombie interpreter (you read that right), and this particular group of survivors live in a giant nuclear sylo hidden from the hordes of rabid killers. Yes, a super strain of rabies has turned everybody into monsters. Because Matt Smith was bitten but not turned he can communicate with the creatures. The military have enlisted him to track down patient zero. The Stanley Tucci’s zombie turns up, being all Stanley Tucci, and smoking cigarettes. Selfishly thinking that he’s the only smart infected person, Stanley Tucci informs him that he has a lot to learn and that everyone in the silo is living on borrowed time.

It is possible that a film can be rescued by one actor and Patient Zero has Stanley Tucci. The recent Bohemian Rhapsody was saved from dullness by Rami Malek, and there are countless examples. True Tucci has the plum role but he is, really, really convincing as the intelligent zombie on a mission. Channelling his inner vampire, he is both charismatic and chilling at the same time.  Before he turns up, he have to cringe as Matt Smith plays 70s rock music to the zombies to get them wound up – he also names them after famous singers like Joe Cocker.  It’s very irritating and is very 1980s uncool – like watching your teachers rap. Natalie Dormer is almost a sure fire sign that I  won’t like the film, her picks usually have bad scripts and Patient Zero is littered with shocking one-liners, a lack of logic and a secondary baddie with no common sense (he’s human). Patient Zero works for the fact that it has some new ideas to add to the zombie pile but not all of them work, and not all of them are fun. The reason this works is because Stanley Tucci gives this strangely naff horror flick a touch of class and well-needed energy it was lacking before he showed up. He probably made this after The Children Act (very stuffy) and he wanted to blow off some steam. He has great fun here biting everybody.

5.5 out of 10 – Average zombie with new ideas. Most of them are stupid but the prescence of Stanley Tucci sells the need to see this if you want something light and stupid to watch.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Matt Smith: Charlie Says, Mapplethorpe, The Crown (TV), Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, Terminator 5 – Genisys, Lost River, Doctor Who – Day of the Doctor, Dr Who (TV), Clone
  • Natalie Dormer: In Darkness, Picnic at Hanging Rock (TV), Game of Thrones (TV), The Forest, Hunger Games- Mockingjay 2, Hunger Games- Mockingjay, The Riot Club, The Counsellor, Rush (2013), W/E, The Tudors (TV)
  • Stanley Tucci: The Children Act, Show Dogs (voice), Transformers 5 – The Last Knight, Beauty & The Beast (2016), Spotlight, The Hunger Games 4 – Mockingjay 2, Fortitude (TV), Wild Card, The Hunger Games 3 – Mockingjay, A Little Chaos, Transformers 4 – Age of Extinction, Muppets Most Wanted, The Hunger Games 2 – Catching Fire, The Fifth Estate, Percy Jackson 2, The Wind Rises (voice), Jack The Giant Slayer, Gambit, The Hunger Games, Captain America, Margin Call, Burlesque, Easy A, The Lovely Bones, Julie & Julia, Swing Vote, ER (TV), What Just Happened, The Hoax, The Devil Wears Prada, Lucky Number Slevin, Robots (voice), Shall We Dance, The Terminal, The Core, Maid In Manhattan, Road To Perdition, Side Walks of New York, In Too Deep, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999), The Imposters, A Life Less Ordinary, Deconstructing Harry, Murder One (TV), Big Night, The Daytrippers, Kiss of Death, Somebody To Love, Mrs Parker and The Vicious Circle, It Could Happen To You, The Pelican Brief, Undercover Blues, The Public Eye, The Gun In Betty Lou’s Handbag, Prelude To a Kiss, Beethoven, In the Soup, Billy Bathgate, Men of Respect, Quick Change, Slaves of New York, Who’s That Girl?, Monkey Shines
  • Clive Standen: Vikings (TV), Hammer of the Gods, Camelot (TV)
  • John Bradley: Game of Thrones (TV), Traders
  • Colin McFarlane: The Commuter, Doctor Who (TV), Chuggington (voice)(TV), Reggie Perrin (TV), Coronation Street (TV), Torchwood (TV), Judge John Deed (TV), Bob The Buider (voice)(TV), Chunky Monkey, Fast Show (TV), 9 and a Half Weeks 2,  Dempsey & Makepeace (TV)
  • James Northcote: A United Kingdom, Wuthering Heights (2011)
  • Agyness Deyn: The Titan, The White King, Hail Caesar, Sunset Song, Electricity, Pusher (2012)
  • Frederick Schmidt: Mission Impossible 6 – Fallout, Brimstone, The Marker, Alleycats, Snow In Paradise, Starred Up

PETERLOO

by Mark'd Commode

5 out of 10

Release date: 2nd November 2018

Director: Mike Leigh (Mr Turner / Another Year / Happy Go Lucky / Vera Drake / All Or Nothing / Topsy Turvy / Career Girls / Secrets & Lies / Naked / Life Is Sweet / High Hopes / Mean Time / Nuts In May / Abigail’s Party)

Cast: Maxine Peake, Pearce Quigley, Rory Kinnear, Neil Bell, Karl Johnson, David Moorst, Vincent Franklin, Jeff Rawle, Philip Whitchurch, Martin Savage, Rachel Finnegan, Tom Meredith, Simona Bitmate, John-Paul Hurley, Tom Gill, Nico Mirallegro, Danny Kirrane, Johnny Byrom, Robert Wilfort, Sam Troughton, Victor McGuire, Stephen Wight, Ryan Pope, Joseph Kloska, Leo Bill, Dorothy Duffy, Victoria Mosely, Al Weaver, David Bamber, Ian Mercer, Roger Sloman, Marion Bailey, Philip Martin Brown, Dorothy Atkinson and Alastair Mackenzie with Philip Jackson, Christine Bottomley and Tim McInnerny

Devised by: Mike Leigh

Trailer: PETERLOO

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Review by Matt Usher

Mike Leigh’s latest period blockbuster is easily his best. After the entertaining but unfocused TOPSY TURVY and the disappointing MISTER TURNER (I know I’m in a minority on that one), PETERLOO has the benefit of a clear (if well-worn) structure and is peopled with an interesting cast of characters. It’s also beautiful to look at but also seems to be a little confused about what sort of film it wants to be.

In 1819 change was in the air. The UK was recovering (slowly and badly) from the Napoleonic Wars, and military veterans, workers and the unemployed had (as usual) the worst of it. At the time the electorate was restricted to men of property, and so there was a campaign to extend parliamentary representation so people who didn’t own land could legally ask for, you know, days off or a wage rise. Unfortunately the government wasn’t keen on this and was instead happy to use force to shut the plebs up.

PETERLOO tells the story of the Peterloo Massacre, which occurred after a crowd of 60,000 people convened – legally – at St Peter’s Square in Manchester (between the G-Mex and the town hall) to hear popular democracy campaigner Henry Hunt call for parliamentary reform. The authorities swiftly and needlessly (and in the film, callously and with relish) sent troops in to disperse and slaughter innocent, perfectly well-behaved people, with 700 injured and approximately 18 killed. Annoyingly these figures are not shown on screen but are provided in a handy little pamphlet they were giving away at the preview screening. And that’s what I mean about the film being unsure what it wants to be: there are some history lessons (a clunky explanation of the Corn Laws–an anti-Europe tariff supposedly to protect the British economy which did nothing for the common worker) but other things (like what happened afterwards) are barely addressed. (For example, the Guardian newspaper was born out of the Peterloo Massacre, though there wasn’t anything on their website about the film the day after the premiere (they did have a useful guide to what pregnant duchesses should wear to look cool though)).

The film has several focuses, and generally deals with them expertly (though I admit I did for too long fail to realise that Pearce Quigley’s gruff father character and Neill Bell’s affable reformer were different characters (in my defence their faces are covered with beards so voluminous they would put the beards of this website’s writers to shame)). There’s the poor family of a Waterloo survivor (led by Quigley and Maxine Peake, who turns in a reliably Peake-ish performance – strong, determined and unsurprising; she was never going to play anything other than a poverty-stricken woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders but who is still decent, honest, true and a thousand times better than anyone rich or powerful), a group of Manchester-based reformers and writers, evil magistrates (Vincent Franklin tearing scenery to pieces), greedy royalty, and the fake-news-spreading government.

Unusually for Leigh’s period films, the narrative is strong (maybe a couple of speeches could’ve been trimmed), and there’s plenty of detail, pretty much all of which earns its place. It’s also an incredibly beautiful looking film, with every shot resembling either a Turner painting or a Gillray caricature. The faults tend to be minor irritations: Leigh isn’t strong on surprises, so all the rich are gluttonous while all the poor are virtuous (apart from a few extras). Elsewhere it’s obvious which character we see early on will be among the victims, though Leigh decides against making the character’s fate deliberately and explicitly tragic, almost as if he thinks we’ll be surprised. And rather too many people look forward to the meeting saying things like ‘it’ll be a lovely day out’. Henry Hunt is the only major positive character who is presented as anything other than steadfast in his virtue: on the one hand a campaigner for democracy, on the other he’s vain and pompous (I suspect Rory Kinnear may have had David Miliband in mind).

The film is Dickensian in scope and intent: it’s a campaigning film (though I guess both supporters of the last referendum and the possible next one could claim the film as being on their side) and an angry one. And that’s because the vast majority of people now alive (including children) (had they been in Manchester that day) would have been regarded as seditious rebels by our leaders. And so Tim McInnerny delivers a grotesque cameo as George IV, while the prime minister is utterly clueless (well, no change there). Only the home secretary (a particularly good Karl Johnson) seems to be a serious figure, not least because he was ultimately responsible.

But despite being an angry, campaigning type of film, that’s not quite how it feels at the end. The film’s ending deliberately mirrors the opening, which juxtaposed the aftermath of the Battle of Waterloo as experienced by a soldier (uncared for and abandoned) and parliament (approving a huge pension for the Duke of Wellington). The end shows (perhaps too briefly) the aftermath of Peterloo, with a family grieving and George IV stuffing his face and commending his ministers on their splendid efforts. The implication is that things are worse at the end of the story than they were at the start. The slow pace of democratic change did eventually achieve results, but the film chooses not to point that out.

As the People’s Vote march wended its no-doubt futile (but eminently justifiable) way round London, PETERLOO is a reminder that democracy (in Britain at least) is a messy, drawn-out and dangerous process which is full of pitfalls, problems and prejudices, liable to be manipulated and misunderstood. It’s also a reminder that governments can be frightened of people standing in a field, and that we should exercise our vote not because some people died two hundred years ago, but because even today there are (and always will be) powerful people who don’t want you to vote.

PS There is one quite (and I assume unintended) glorious irony. This is a film about underpaid, overworked people who despite working every hour they can are still in poverty. And it’s co-produced by Amazon.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

 

 

THE PARTY

by Mark'd Commode

5.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 13th October 2017

Director: Sally Potter (Ginger & Rosa / Rage / Yes / The Man Who Cried / The Tango Lesson / Orlando)

Cast: Kristin Scott Thomas, Timothy Spall, Patricia Clarkson, Cillian Murphy, Emily Mortimer, Cherry Jones and Bruno Ganz

Writer: Sally Potter

Trailer: THE PARTY

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Kristin Scott Thomas: Tomb Raider (2018), Darkest Hour, My Old Lady, Suite Francaise, The Invisible Woman, Only God Forgives, Salmon Fishing In The Yemen, Bel Ami, The Woman In The Fifth, Sarah’s Key, Love Crime, Leaving, Nowhere Boy, Confessions Of a Shopaholic, Largo Winch, Easy Virtue, The Other Boleyn Girl, I’ve Love You So Long, The Golden Compass (voice), The Walker, Keeping Mum, Chromophobia, Code 46, Gosford Park, Up At The Villa, Random Hearts, The horse Whisperer, The English Patient, Mission Impossible, Angels & Insects, Richard III (1995), Le Confessional, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Bitter Moon, Autobus, A Handful Of Dust
  • Timothy Spall: Finding Your Feet, Early Man (voice), Electric Dreams (TV), Hatton Garden (TV), The Journey, Denial, Alice In Wonderland 2 (voice), Away, Mr Turner,  The Love Punch, The Rise, Love Bite, Comes a Bright Day, Ginger and Rosa, The King’s Speech, Harry Potter – parts 3 – 8, Wake Wood, Reuniting The Rubins, Heartless, Alice In Wonderland (2011) (voice), Apaloosa, The Damned Utd, Sweeney Todd, Pierrepoint, Lemony Snickets Series of Unfortunate Events, The Last Samurai, Nicholas Nickleby (2002),  All Or Nothing, Vanilla Sky, Rock Star, Lucky Break, Chicken Run (voice), Loves Labours Lost,  Topsy Turvy, Still Crazy, Wisdom Of Crocodiles, Hamlet (1996), Secrets & Lies, Life Is Sweet, The Sheltering Sky, White Hunter Black Heart, To Kill a Priest, The Missionary, Auf Wierdesen Pet (TV), Quadrophenia
  • Patricia Clarkson: Maze Runner 3, House of Cards (TV), Maze Runner 2, Maze Runner, One Day, The East, Friends With Benefits, Easy A, Shutter Island, Whatever Works, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Elegy, Lars and The Real Girl, Good Night and Good Luck, Six Feet Under (TV), Dogville, The Station Agent, Pieces Of April, All The Real Girls, Welcome To Collinwood, Far From Heaven, The Pledge, The Green Mile, High Art, Jumanji
  • Cillian Murphy: Dunkirk, Peaky Blinders (TV), Free Fire, Anthropoid, In The Heart of the Sea, Transcendence, Broken (2013), The Dark Knight Rises, Red Lights, In Time, Retreat, Tron 2, Inception, The Dark Knight, Sunshine (2007), The Wind That Shakes The Barley, Breakfast On Pluto, Red Eye, Batman Begins, Cold Mountain, Girl With a Pearl Earring,  Intermission, Cold Mountain, 28 Days Later, Disco Pigs, The Trench
  • Emily Mortimer: Mary Poppins Returns, The Sense of an Ending, Spectral, Rio I Love You, Hugo, Cars 2 (voice), Shutter Island, Harry Brown, The Pink Panther 2, Redbelt, Lars and the Real Game, Paris Je T’Aime, Match Point, Howl’s Moving Castle (voice), Dear Frankie, Bright Young Things, Young Adam, Formula 51, Lovely & Amazing, The Kid (2000), Love’s Labours Lost, Scream 3, Notting Hill, Elizabeth I, The Last of the High Kings, The Ghost and The Darkness
  • Cherry Jones: Transparent (TV), Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, I Saw The Light, Knight of Cups, The Beaver, 24 (TV), Ocean’s Twelve, The Village, Signs, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, The Perfect Storm, Erin Brokovich, Cradle Will Rock, The Horse Whisperer, HouseSitter
  • Bruno Ganz: In Order of Disappearance, The Counsellor, Night Train To Lisbon, Unknown, The Reader, The Baader Meinhof Complex, Youth Without Youth, Downfall, The Manchuian Candidate, Eternity and a Day, Faraway So Close, The Last Days of Chez-Nous, Prague, Strapless, Wings of Desire, Nosferatu The Vampyr (1979), The Boys From Brazil, The American Friend

PROWL

by Mark'd Commode

4.5 out of 10

UK/USA co-production

Release date: 4th October 2011 (DVD premiere)

Director: Patrik Syversen

Cast: Courtney Hope, Josh Bowman, Ruta Gedmintas, Jamie Blackley, Perdita Weeks, Oliver Hawes, Saxon Trainor and Bruce Payne

Writer: Tim Tori

Trailer: PROWL

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For a few minutes at the start of PROWL it looks like we’re in innovative, thoughtful, atmospheric, potentially game-changing and genuinely pretty scary film territory. The opening is (and, as it turns out, remains) ambiguous (rather than very obviously a flashback or – worse – a flash-forward): a young woman (Amber) runs in slow motion (to or from her fate we never know), against a moody backdrop of what looks like a particularly picturesque bit of Yorkshire. But then there are ghouls and gore and waking up and reality and domestic tedium and she’s working in a supermarket (meat counter) and which is worse: boredom or blood-spattered gory extinction? (Probably the latter, I’d say.)

And then she starts speaking and we find the film is set in America, which is fine. But then cracks appear: she’s fed up living in a small town (studiously unnamed) and wants to go to the big city (actually referred to as The Big City).

And then something happens which made me want to give up on the film altogether. She attends a pool party with friends and their boyfriends, a not-at-all motley crew comprising exactly the line-up you’d put in a slasher film (i.e. half a dozen or so actors in their late twenties pretending to be teenagers and comprising the obligatory geek, pervert, jock, slut, sensitive one and one they forgot to give any character to).

Thanks to a handy Deus ex machina, Amber gets the chance to move to the big city just hours after finding out her alcoholic mom adopted her (this revelation looks like it’ll open an intriguing can of worms, which it does to some extent but the script completely messes this up). So she suddenly has a road trip to go on, and she has a bunch of pals with nothing better to do than go on a road trip, and this is a horror film, and I just couldn’t believe how this rollercoasted so quickly downhill into generic slashland.

Our heroes set off in the car. But there’s a problem. The film-makers literally don’t know how to film inside a supposedly moving car. They attempt 1950s-style back projection, but that breaks down and in one shot all you can see outside the car is the green screen itself. The film-makers cannily solve the problem by having the car break down just as a lorry arrives on the scene (at this point our heroes are literally a hundred metres into their journey). It’s driven by (an admittedly unrecognisable) Bruce Payne, so we can reasonably be certain that it’ll all end in tears and fearsome dismemberment. After protracted negotiations with the driver they hop into the back of the truck which, conveniently for the director, has no windows. A good move for the film, disastrous of course for the kids. The truck driver warns them not to look at his cargo. And they don’t for a while, instead indulging in typical teenage shenanigans like getting drunk, taking drugs, having an orgy and looking at the cargo and finding that it’s blood.

At this point the film picks up again as it turns out that the driver is not all he seems (shock horror). Instead of taking Amber to her dream house in the big city the driver delivers the would-be Scooby team to an ex-abattoir of human doom, where, surprisingly rapidly, the cast are ripped up, slaughtered and generally whittled down in number. Halfway through the film, and we’re already down to only one fully functioning protagonist. Where could it possibly go next? Effectively alone, Amber seems cornered, but then the film makes its unexpected left-of-centre, completely unguessable twist plot development which changes everything. Except (and frankly I’m delighted to report this) I’d guessed what was going to happen some time earlier. It’s a pretty good conceit but the script works against it (it turns out for example that the whole thing is a coincidence rather than fate, which would surely have felt more appropriate). I won’t say what it is because if you like this sort of film then PROWL is probably worth a look. But the problem is that the story effectively ends with this twist and the film-makers don’t know what to do next. The remainder of the running time is just a matter of capture and escape and atmospheric padding, with a passing resemblance to bad episodes of True Blood, until the film clocks up 80 minutes and can take its leave. In a sense it feels like an over-extended TV pilot.

This is a British-Bulgarian co-production, but, for the most part, it succeeds in looking American enough (when they remember to put the backdrop in, that is). The actors are an international bunch and, given the brevity of most of their roles, they perform well enough. Amber is played by Courtney Hope, currently a regular on The Bold and the Beautiful, which seems a shame. Bruce Payne puts in a reliable performance as the seemingly affable driver. Saxon Trainor is the frankly improbable name of the chief villain, who is given so little to do you wonder why she turned up in the first place.

But PROWL has to be marked down as a disappointment overall. Despite some genuinely eerie moments (especially early on) it at times feels more like it wants to be a Troma-style send-up. The arrival of a major villain veers between deadly seriousness and high camp. The vampires (it’s a vampire film by the way) are of the scavenger variety, though as a concept they’re under-explored. And there’s no excuse for that as they become hugely important to the narrative. Or they would if the film had managed to keep the narrative from petering out. The ending becomes predictable and the film just ends up as a languishing shadow of what it might have been. I really wanted to like PROWL after its excellent start but it meanders around and doesn’t do anywhere near enough with its ideas. A huge missed opportunity.

4.5 out of 10 – Review by Matt Usher

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTRESS IN BEFORE?

  • Courtney Hope: The Bold & The Beautiful (TV)
  • Josh Bowman: Level Up, So Undercover, Love’s Kitchen, 13HRs, Revenge (TV), Holby City (TV)
  • Ruta Gedmintas: A Street Cat Named Bob, The Incident (2016), The Borgias (TV), You Instead
  • Jamie Blackley: The Postcard Killings, The Halcyon (TV), Kids In Love, Irrational Man, If I Stay, We Are The Freaks, UWantme2killhim?, Vinyl
  • Perdita Weeks: Penny Dreadful (TV), As Above So Below, The Invisible Woman, Titanic (TV), The Tudors (TV), Stig of the Dump (TV), Spice World
  • Bruce Payne: The Rizen, The Antwerp Dolls, Breakdown (2016), Age of Kill, Getaway, Vendetta, Prowl, Dungeons & Dragons, Warlock 3, Necronomicon, Passenger 57, Pyrates, The Howling 4, The Fruit Machine, For Queen and Country, Billy The Kid and The Green Baize Vampire, Absolute Beginners, Oxford Blues

THE PASS

by Mark'd Commode

7 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 9th December 2016

Director: Ben A Williams

Cast: Russell Tovey, Arinze Kene, Lisa McGrillis and Nico Mirallegro

Writer: Ben A Williams

Trailer: THE PASS

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

PREVENGE

by Mark'd Commode

6.5 out of 10

Release date:  10th February 2017

Director: Alice Lowe

Cast: Alice Lowe, Jo Hartley, Kayvan Novak, Tom Davis, Gemma Whelan, Mike Wozniak, Tom Meeten, Leila Hoffman, Marc Bessant with Kate Dickie and Dan Renton Skinner

Writer: Alice Lowe

Trailer: PREVENGE

Prevenge-Movie-Poster

Actress Alice Lowe (THE GHOUL) makes her directorial with this inscrutable comedy-horror set in Cardiff. Pregnant Ruth’s (LOWE) baby no longer has a father after a freak accident lead to his death on an adventure weekend. One day the baby starts to talk to talk to Ruth persuading her to kill some seemingly random people. Is there a connection between them and why do they have to die?

The film is distrubing and stylistic with gallows humour which lands on its feet. It’s gross but repeatedly funny. The gore is unavoidable and visceral, noone escapes if they pay to watch this. It’s only after the film has ended do you begin to question it’s merits. Yes, it’s very entertaining so it gets high marks for delivering what it promises. At the same time its very thin. There are no layers to it. Ruth is a killer with a mental problem who happens to be pregnant. A proxy that she can blame her bloodlust on. Some of her victims like Tom Davis’ (TRADERS) DJ Dan and the pet shop owner, (DAN RENTON SKINNER – THE GHOUL) are utterly appalling characters that deserve their movie fate, whereas some of the others are more sympathetic. The only other character that isn’t an extended cameo is Jo Hartley’s (THIS IS ENGLAND) Midwife. Like a female David Brent, she is wonderfully candid but out of synch with quite how unhinged her patient is. Some of the exchanges between her and Ruth are the best in the film.

Some of the the scenes are well realised with queasy cinematography, gross out filters and an electronic score reminiscent of Tangerine Dream or The Goblins. It’s also good that the locations are pretty much anonymous and could have been set anywhere in Britain. (Apart from the scenes on the Pembrokeshire Coast). A bright script and winsome performances help this directorial debut to fly. It works well as a companion piece to some of Alice Lowe’s other films like Sightseers and Black Mountain Poets.

6.5 out of 10 – Fun while it lasts, but you won’t call it a classic.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

PLAN Z

by Mark'd Commode

5 out of 10

Release date: 13th March 2017 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Stuart Brennan

Cast: Stuart Brennan, Mark Paul Wake, Eugene Horan, Brooke Burfitt, Victoria Morrison and Terry Deary

Writer: Stuart Brennan

Trailer: PLAN Z

PlanZ_Poster-web1

It’s the zombie holocaust again! Wait! Come back! This one’s almost interesting! This time it’s from the point of view of a professional photographer (not that he does anything like photograph any zombies) (indeed once the holocaust gets going I don’t think we see him with a camera) (there’s a missed opportunity there). When not gadding about the globe he lives is a fairly dreary flat in Scotland. Fortunately a government mole helpfully warns him about impending doom. Instead of informing the papers he buys lots of tins of beans and gets ready, eventually teaming up with a Best Pal, whilst waiting for someone to restore order. When that begins to look unlikely (and all the beans have been eaten) they decide to head to the Isle of Skye for a holiday to start rebuilding humanity. Along the way they meet a crazed Irishman, an oblivious shopkeeper (TERRY DEARY – HORRIBLE HISTORIES), some damsels in distress and a handful of killer zombies.

PLAN Z is presented to us in voice-over as if it’s an urgent dissertation on the mechanics of survival during a zombie invasion. It’s delivered by the photographer as played by a suitably haunted and tired-looking Stuart Brennan (who also writes, directs and produces, which might explain the exhausted look). Almost immediately, Brennan admits his plan hasn’t worked out too well (which we can see on screen as zombies appear to be about to munch him and his pals), but even so, his plan seems a bit rubbish anyway.

The film is haphazardly structured. Brennan’s urgent narration is full of meaningless platitudes like ‘Shock and exhaustion are deadly killers’ (killers do tend to be deadly) and ‘The only way to survive is to see it through to the end’ (that is literally a definition of survival not advice on how to do it), and we never quite work out when he’s meant to be saying all this, or to whom. The film starts with a flash-forward to something which happens halfway through, before zipping back to a ‘how it all began’ section, then a bit where we see our hero at home, which then flashes back to some restaurant scenes, then forward to after the scene we started with, before spooling back to almost show how we arrived at this scene, before finally dumping the surviving cast on Skye.

Alas, the only reason I can think of for the film’s structure is that by forever flashing forward and back the absence of certain crucial scenes is covered up, and anomalies in the storyline are obscured. (I’m sure there’s a ‘proper’ reason, something along the lines of ‘this is what recalling a zombie holocaust would be like’.) For example: the zombie rampage is well under way in the town where our hero lives. He’s already holed up, as, it appears, are many other people. Yet elsewhere in the same town, his Best Pal is dining in a restaurant with his girlfriend, as if all was well in the world. Alas for Best Pal (and even more, girlfriend) they’re soon attacked by a peckish member of the undead, and he ends up hiding in the toilet. (Best Pal spends quite a lot of time hiding in various toilets throughout the film, yet at no point does the voice-over suggest this is a good survival tactic (though it evidently is)).

Eventually our hero saves Best Pal from the loo and they have a chat where our hero reveals certain things. This is a very odd scene, though it’s clearly not meant to be. Best Pal comments on how well-prepared the hero is. The hero explains that he’d had advance warning of the disaster. Best Pal does not bat an eyelid at this. I’m sure most of us, if we were movie hero’s Best Pal, would probably respond with something along the lines of ‘you ******** ***** why the ***** didn’t you ******** tell me you ******** ******?’ Even odder is the moment when hero tells Best Pal that he’s an orphan. Hmmm. They’re pretty good friends. The hero has literally rescued Best Pal from a toilet cubicle of (almost) certain death. Yet Best Pal doesn’t know the hero’s an orphan? Seriously? It’s almost as if these two don’t actually know each other at all and that the scene is there primarily for the viewers’ benefit.

If so, it’s the only scene which is. That’s unfair; PLAN Z isn’t terrible, but it’s just another entry in the zombie catalogue with little to mark it out. The conceit (i.e. a survivor tells all) would be interesting but it ends up just being a framing device rather than integral to the story. And the story itself is nothing new (it’s quite similar to Terry Nation’s Survivors TV series from the 1970s), though it’s a bit more housing estate oriented. It’s significantly better than a lot of dreary am-dram zombie nonsense, and is filmed energetically enough. (And it’s not found-footage, which is a delightful bonus.) It’s not a distinctive enough film to be worth shouting about, but it doesn’t disgrace a CV either.

I’ve had a soft spot for Stuart Brennan ever since seeing him in THE REVEREND, a terrible film which was my introduction to the crazy world of modern low-budget British film-making. And he gives a genuinely decent performance here as one of those annoying people who are nowhere near as cool, competent, clever or courageous as they think they are. In addition, the film itself, despite my mockery, is a cut above much of its brethren. There are many nits to be picked (why does no-one ever wash the blood from their faces?) and there are plot-holes a-plenty (did the shopkeeper never watch the TV?), but as a ‘this is what I think I’d do in a zombie invasion if I was someone else completely’ film this is surprisingly effective. Why someone would want to make such a film is beyond me, but seeing as there’s a niche for it, well, this does fill the niche nicely.

Review by Matt Usher

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?