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VILLAIN

by Mark'd Commode

5 out of 10

Release date: 20th April 2020 (DVD premiere)

Director: Philip Barantini (Boiling Point (2021))

Cast: Craig Fairbrass, George Russo, Izuka Hoyle, Mark Monero, Eloise Lovell Anderson, Taz Skylar, Nicholas Aaron, Michael John Treanor, Marcus Onilude, Stephanie Fayerman, Jennifer Matter with Tomi May and Robert Glenister

Writer: Greg Hall & George Russo

Trailer: VILLAIN

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Saying that this is Craig Fairbrass’ best film in years doesn’t count for all that much, but I’m really not having a pop at him or Villain. This really is a solid piece of crime fiction set on the streets of London and featuring some pretty scary characters. Fairbrass yet again proves that he’s a brilliant actor when he teams up with the right people, who play to his strengths.

He’s thoroughly convincing as an ex-crim who is forced to bail his troubled brother out of a very bad situation. He owes £80K to a pair of horrible brothers who stitched him up by stealing the drugs he was holding for them back, and demanding they get recompensated.  Along with trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter, and a few old friends, it’s very predictable for every single minute of its running time, but I don’t need every single film I watch to surprise me. Sometimes I just want a film to do what it promises to do and Villain delivers. It’s the directorial debut of an actor called Philip Barantini, and based on this I’d say he’s got a lot of promise in this department.

5 out of 10 – Well-acted, predictable and Craig Fairbrass’ very best role in decades if not ever.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

THE VIKING WAR

by Mark'd Commode

1.5 out of 10

Release date: 5th February 2019 (DVD premiere)

Director: Louisa Warren (Witches of the Water / End Game / Scarecrow vs. Vikings / Krampus vs. Vikings / Cyborg Wives / Tooth Fairy / The Curse of the Scarecrow) & Suzy Spade

Cast: Peter Cosgrove, Josh Lewindon, Darcie Lincoln, Victor Toth, Georgia Wood, Adam Langley, Zuza Tehanu, Richard Harfst, Sarah T Cohen, Cassandra French, Tony Manders, Darrell Griggs with Louisa Warren and Michelle Archer

Writer: Suzy Spade

Trailer: THE VIKING WAR

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So this is the second film I’ve seen recently directed by the increasingly prolific Louisa Warren (this one was co-directed with screenwriter Suzy Spade).  Whilst you can’t fault her for ambition and vision, this is low-budget filmmaking at the very shallow end. Upfront and centre are the film’s rag-tag bunch of performers who are pretty awful in the main. The one’s I’ve seen in other films are probably the best, having grown accustomed to acting in front of a camera – but they are fairly stinky too.  Oddly enough, the best actor is Louisa Warren herself who has a small role as an early victim – the sole survivor of a siege on a castle.

Beggars can’t be choosers but there are obvious period errors and larger problems afoot. The story is set in the Shetland Isles but it’s blatantly in set in the South or East of England – the land goes on forever in the drone shots yet any one that’s visited the Shetlands knows you can see the sea from any angle. Also, the crops are modern; the tree species isn’t remotely correct for the era. The dialogue is full of discrepancies and modern speech patterns and accents too. The action scenes of which there are many are poorly executed, swords held limply and sound effects out of synch. Oh and there’s also tyre-tracks in the woods which are clearly visible in several scenes. Finally, you will get the feeling of deja-vu as Viking War implements a trick I’ve only ever seen done before in Baywatch (but is probably done elsewhere too). Footage of reaction shots and certain moves in the fight are re-used again and again from fight to fight. One of the extras is channelling Salacious Crumb somewhere in the crowd – there’s a laugh which is used ad infinitum during every fight on a loop! It’s very confusing / annoying because you think you’ll have already seen certain parts before but you aren’t quite sure. But you will havewhen you actually begin to concentrate on the film a bit. It’s bizarre because you get the nightmare feeling of being trapped in a bad film vortex.

The plot is overcomplicated as it badly wants to rival Games of Thrones or Vikings (TV) with its chronicle of the ever changing loyalties within the Berzerker Clan, as the bad guys jostle for power. But if you strip down the storyline – it’s this: Berzerkers take a village in the Shetland Islands hostage and whittle them down through a series of sword fights. However, a few escape and they must be recaputred!!!

The leader called Snorr (PETER COSGROVE – HALLOWEEN JACK 2) (stupid name) has two sons: Gunnar (DARRELL GRIGGS – THE DOLL FROM THE ATTIC) and Rolf (JOSH LEWINDON). Josh doesn’t have Berzerker blood following through his veins so he decides to go against his father’s wishes and protect the villagers who can’t act. So what we have is a kind of very smelly Braveheart for prats.

1.5 out of 10 – This is largely for those that are related to the cast and crew and fans of shit Viking films. This is probably the worst of the recent crop that’s been made in the UK with a local cast.  Viking Snor more like.  No Valhalla for this sorry shower.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

THE VANISHING (2019)

by Mark'd Commode

 

4 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 15th March 2019 (DVD premiere)

Director: Kristoffer Nyholm (Taboo (TV) / The Enfield Haunting (TV) / The Killing (TV))

Cast: Gerard Butler, Peter Mullan, Connor Swindells, Soren Malling, Olafur Darri Olafsson, Ken Drury, Emma King and Gary Lewis

Writer: Celyn Jones & Joe Bone

Trailer: THE VANISHING (2019)

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Gerard Butler: Den of Thieves 2, Angel Has Fallen, Hunter Killer, How To Train Your Dragon 3 – The Hidden World (voice), Den of Thieves, Geostorm, Gods of Egypt, London Has Fallen, How To Train Your Dragon 2 (voice), Olympus Has Fallen, Coriolanus, Playing For Keeps, Chasing Mavericks, How To Train Your Dragon (voice), Law Abiding Citizen, Machine Gun Preacher, Gamer, The Bounty Hunter, 300, Reign Of Fire, Rock-N-Rolla, Dear Frankie, The Phantom Of The Opera (2004), PS I Love You, Tomb Raider 2 – Cradle fo Life, Dracula 2001, Mrs Brown
  • Peter Mullan: Marionette, Mum (TV), Mowgli (voice), Westworld (TV), Hostiles, Tommy’s Honour, Hector, Sunset Song, Sunshine On Leith, The Liability, Welcome To The Punch, The Man Inside, War Horse, Tyrannosaur, Neds (dir), True North, Children Of Men, Criminal (2004), The Magdalene Sisters (director), On a Clear Day, Young Adam, The Claim (2000), Orphans (director), Miss Julie, My Name Is Joe, Trainspotting, Shallow Grave, Riff Raff
  • Connor Swindells: VS, Sex Education (TV)
  • Soren Malling: Men & Chickens, A Royal Affair, The Killing (TV), Mifune
  • Olafur Darri Olafsson:  How To Train Your Dragon 3 – The Hidden World, Fantastic Beast 2 – The Crimes of Grindelwald, The Meg, The Spy Who Dumped Me, The White King, The BFG (mo-cap), The Last Witchhunter, A Walk Among The Tombstones, 101 Reykjavik
  • Ken Drury: Fisherman’s Friends, Whisky Galore (2017)
  • Gary Lewis: The Keeper, Outlander (TV), Catch Me Daddy, Filth, Not Another Happy Ending, When The Lights Went Out, Neds, Goal 3, Valhalla Rising, Three and Out, Yasmin, Eragon, True North, Goal!, Ae Fond Kiss, Gangs Of New York, Shiner, Billy Eliiott, Gregory’s Girl 2, The Match, East Is East, Orphans, My Name Is Joe, My Name Is Joe

VENGEANCE

by Mark'd Commode

3 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 1st January 2019 (Streaming)

Director: Ross Boyask (Vengeance 2 / Warrioress / Ten Dead Men / Left For Dead)

Cast: Stu Bennett, Gary Daniels, Bryan Larkin, Anna Shaffer, Sapphire Elia, Alan Calton, Fleur Keith, Mark Griffin, Wayne Gordon, Barbara Smith, James Fisher, David Wayman, Orion Lee, Jason Beeston and Sean Blowers with Kevin Leslie, Cass Pennant and Keith Allen

Writer: Ross Boyask

Trailer: VENGEANCE

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

VIKING SIEGE

by Mark'd Commode

2.5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 26th December 2017 (DVD premiere)

Director: Jack Burton

Cast: Michelle McTernan, James Groom, Sarah Driver, Rosanna Hoult, Alan Booty, Phil Deguara, Michael Geary, Richard Sandling, Jamie O’Hara, Adam Mcnab with Jean-Paul Ly, Alastair Kirton and Owain Rhys Davies

Writer: Philip Dyas & Alastair Kirton

Trailer: VIKING SIEGE

THE LOST VIKING

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Michelle McTernan: The Lost Viking, Stella (TV)
  • James Groom: Robin Hood – The Rebellion (2018), The Lost Viking, Hooligan Legacy
  • Rosanna Hoult: Nightshooters
  • Phil Deguara: Nightshooters, Greyhawk
  • Richard Sandling: Nightshooters
  • Adam Mcnab: Nightshooters
  • Alastair Kirton: Colin
  • Jean Paul-Ly: Nightshooters
  • Owain Rhys Davies: A Serial Killer’s Guide To Life, Twin Peaks (TV),

 

VICTORIA and ABDUL

by Mark'd Commode

7.5 out of 10

Release date: 5th October 2017

Director: Stephen Frears (A Very English Scandal / Philomena / Florence Foster Jenkins / The Program / Lay The Favourite / Tamara Drewe / Cheri / The Queen / Mrs Henderson Presents / Dirty Pretty Things / Liam / High Fidelity / The Hi-Lo Country / The Van / Accidental Hero / The Snapper / Mary Reilly / The Grifters / Dangerous Liaisons / Sammy and Rose Get Laid / Prick Up Your Ears / My Beautiful Launderette)

Cast: Judi Dench, Ali Fazal, Eddie Izzard, Tim Piggott-Smith, Olivia Williams, Adeel Akhtar, Paul Higgins, Robin Soans, Julian Wadham, Fenella Woolgar, Ruth McCabe, Sukh Ojla with Simon Callow and Michael Gambon

Writer: Lee Hall

Trailer: VICTORIA and ABDUL

VIC1

Victoria and Abdul aka A Granny’s Guide to Islam 101, is still good entertainment. A fitting sequel to the mid-1990s film Mrs Brown in which Judi Dench (MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS) first played Queen Victoria, this British grey pound chaser is ver touching, humorous and informative little film painted on a grand scale. Where this film’s similar Viceroy’s House floundered in a sea of cliches, Victoria and Abdul succeeds. That it does is largely due to expert performances from a well-chosen cast – Judi Dench obviously and effortlessly gives the performance she was born to. Newcomer, Ali Fazal (FAST & FURIOUS 7) meets her half-way and delivers a committed and likeable performance as Queen Victoria’s Indian munshi (or cultural teacher), Abdul Karim,when he comes to the palace to award her with a precious coin for her services to Indian via the British Raj. He came for a few weeks and lived with her for ten years. How much of this story is true and how much is conjecture is up for debate – much of the evidence of this peculiar friendship was destroyed shortly after Victoria’s death by Prince Bertie. And aside from a few journals, photos and portraits of Abdul Karim, not much is known.

The film paints the friendship as a last ditch attempt by Queen Victoria to enjoy a genuinely forged kinship in her last years; for Abdul he wanted to share his culture and to widen his horizons after being a clerk at a jail in New Delhi.  And this union is portrayed deftly through it’s up and downs, as courtiers and family attempt to derail the duo at every turn. A supporting cast of old hands like Tim Piggot-Smith (THE JEWEL IN THE CROWN), Michael Gambon (THE RACHEL PAPERS) and Simon Callow (A ROOM WITH A VIEW) as Puccini, all do great things in limited, villainous roles.  The story begins as a light comedy and ends in tragedy and sadness but you will probably remember and take to this film for the former. At times the parallels made between modern societies Islamaphobia and the open prejudice wielded back then seem to be a bit heavy handed and crow barred into the story. And then its watered down into granny-friendly bite size sound bites – so there’s a message in here too. You can find a good friend in the unlikeliest of places regardless of religious and cultural differences. Why miss out on getting to know somebody because of prejudice, ignorance and fear?

On the whole this is a return to form for Stephen Frears (MY BEAUTIFUL LAUNDRETTE) who has struggled to make a distinctive film for a long time now. Great dramatic and comic performances elavate a fairly standard granny-basger special. Recommended.

7 out of 10 – Funny and sad. Judi Dench and Ali Fazal make sure this is a film to remember. The British make this type of film so well, but this one is one of the better ones of the last decade.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Judi Dench: Tulip Fever, Murder On The Orient Express (2017), Miss Peregrine’s School For Peculiar Children, Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Philomena, Run For Your Wife, James Bond – Skyfall,  Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, J. Edgar, My Week With Marilyn, Jane Eyre (2011), Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, Nine, Notes On A Scandal, James Bond – Quantum Of Solace, Mrs Henderson Presents, Pride & Prejudice (2005), Ladies In Lavender, James Bond – Casino Royale, The Chronicles Of Riddick, The Importance Of Being Earnest, The Shipping News, Iris, James Bond – Die Another Day, Chocolat, Tea With Mussolini, James Bond – The World Is Not Enough, Shakespeare In Love, James Bond – Tomorrow Never Dies, Hamlet (1995), Mrs Brown, James Bond – Golden Eye, Jack & Sarah, Henry V (1989), A Handful Of Dust, 84 Charing Cross Road, A Room With a View
  • Ali Fazal: Fast & Furious 7
  • Eddie Izzard: Whiskey Galore (2017), Absolutely Anything, Castles In The Sky, Hannibal (TV), Eddie Izzard: Force Majeure (live), Cars 2 (voice), Valkyrie, Igor (voice), Eddie Izzard – Marathon Man (live), The Chronicles of Narnia – Prince Caspian (voice), Across The Universe, Ocean’s 13, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Romance & Cigarettes, Ocean’s 12, Five Children & It (voice), Revenger’s Tragedy, The Cat’s Meow, Shadow of The Vampire, Circus, Mystery Men, The Avengers (1998), Velvet Goldmine, The Secret Agent
  • Tim Piggott-Smith: 6 Days, Whiskey Galore (2017), Jupiter Ascending, RED 2, Alice In Wonderland (2011), Flyboys, V For Vendetta, The Remains of the Day, The Jewel In The Crown (TV), Clash of the Titans (1980), Dr Who (TV)
  • Olivia Williams: The White King (voice), Man Up, The Haunting of Radcliffe House, The Seventh Son, Map of the Stars, Sabotage, Last Days on Mars, Now Is Good, Anna Karenina (2012), Wild Bill (2012),  Sex & Drugs & Rock-n-Roll, The Ghost, Hanna, An Education, X-Men III, To Kill A King, Below, The Heart Of Me, The Sixth Sense, Born Romantic, Rushmore, The Postman
  • Adeel Akhtar: Swimming With Men, The Big Sick, Hampstead, The Big Sick, The Night Manager (TV), Convenience, Pan, Utopia (TV), Jadoo, The Dictator (2012), Four Lions
  • Paul Higgins: Line of Duty (TV), Couple In a Hole, Utopia (TV), In The Loop, The Thick of It (TV), Red Road, Beautiful Creatures (2000), Complicity, Bedrooms and Hallways
  • Robin Soans: Victoria (TV), Viceroy’s House, Clockwork Mice, Dr Who (TV)
  • Julian Wadham: The Happy Prince, Churchill, The 9th Life of Louis Drax, Queen and Country, The Riot Club, Cheerful Weather For The Wedding, Now Is Good, Outpost 2, The Iron Lady, Legacy – Black Ops, Outpost, War Horse, Wah-Wah, Dominion – Prequel To The Exorcist, Exorcist – The Beginning, Keep The Aspidistra Flying, The Secret Agent (1996), The English Patient, The Madness Of King George III, Maurice
  • Fenella Woolgar: Whiskey Galore (2017), Swallows & Amazons,  War & Peace (TV),  Mr Turner, Cheerful Weather for the Wedding, St Trinian’s, Scoop, Wah Wah, Stage Beauty, Bright Young Things
  • Ruth McCabe: Damo & Ivor, Damo & Ivor (TV), Out of Innocence, Philomena, Run & Jump, Good Vibrations, Wake Wood, Breakfast On Pluto, Inside I’m Dancing, Intermission, The Closer You Get, Titanic Town, An Awfully Big Adventure, Circle Of Friends, The Snapper, My Left Foot
  • Simon Callow: Blue Iguana, The Man Who Invented Christmas, Hampstead, Mindhorn, Viceroy’s House, Golden Years, Outlander (TV), Love’s Kitchen, Ripley Underground, The Phantom of the Opera (2004), Bright Young Things, Thunderpants, No Man’s Land, Shakespeare In Love, Bedrooms and Hallways, The Scarlet Tunic, James and The Giant Peach (voice), Ace Ventura 2, Jefferson In Paris, Streetfighter, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Soft Top Hard Shoulder, Mr & Mrs Bridge, Postcards From The Edge, Maurice, A Room With a View, Amadeus
  • Michael Gambon: Paddington 2 (voice), Kingsman 2, Mad To Be Normal, Viceroy’s House, Dad’s Army (2016), Paddington (voice), Fortitude (TV), Quartet, The King’s Speech, St, Harry Potter – parts 3-8, The Book Of Eli, Fantastic Mr Fox (voice), Brideshead Revisited (2008), The Good Night, The Good Shepherd, The Omen (2006), The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou,  Layer Cake, Sky Captain and The World Of Tomorrow, Sylvia, Open Range, The Actors, Ali G In Da House, Charlotte Gray, Gosford Park, High Heels and Low Lifes, Sleepy Hollow, The insider, Plunkett & Macleane, Dancing at Lughnasa, The Gambler, Wings Of The Dove, Mary Reilly, The Innocent Sleep, Two Deaths, Nothing Personal, A Man Of No Importance, The Browning Version (1994), Toys, Mobsters, The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover, A Dry White Season, The Rachel Papers, Paris By Night, The Singing Detective (TV)

VICEROY’S HOUSE

by Mark'd Commode

3.5 out of 10

UK/India co-production

Release date: 3rd March 2017

Director: Gurinder Chadha  (Blinded by the Light / It’s Wonderful Afterlife / Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging / Paris Je T’Aime / Bride and Prejudice / Bend It Like Beckham / Bhaji On The Beach)

Cast: Hugh Bonneville, Gillian Anderson, Michael Gambon, Om Puri, Manish Dayal, Huma Qureshi, Neeraj Kabi, Denzil Smith, Tanveer Ghani, Lily Travers, Simon Williams, Darshan Jariwala, Arunoday Singh, Jaz Deol, Roberta Taylor  with David Hayman and Simon Callow

Writer: Gurinder Chadha, Paul Mayeda Berges & Moira Buffini

Trailer: VICEROY’S HOUSE

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Hugh Bonneville: Downton Abbey, The Corrupted, Paddington 2, Breathe, Paddington, Downton Abbey (TV), W1A (TV), Muppets Most Wanted, The Monuments Men, Third Star, Burke and Hare, Glorious 39, Iris, Mansfield Park, Notting Hill
  • Gillian Anderson: The Spy Who Dumped Me, The X-Files (TV), Crooked House, American Gods (TV), Robot Overlords, The Fall (TV), Hannibal (TV),  Mr Morgan’s Last Love, Shadow Dancer,  Johnny English 2 – Reborn, How To Lose Friends and Alienate People, A  Cock and Bull Story, Straightheads, The Last King Of Scotland, The House Of Mirth, The X-Files 2 – Want to Believe, Playing By Heart, The Mighty, The X-Files
  • Michael Gambon: Judy, Fortitude (TV), Johnny English 3 – Strikes Again, King of Thieves, The Last Witness, Victoria and Abdul, Paddington 2 (voice), Kingsman 2, Mad To Be Normal, Dad’s Army (2016), Paddington (voice), Quartet, The King’s Speech, St, Harry Potter – parts 3-8, The Book Of Eli, Fantastic Mr Fox (voice), Brideshead Revisited (2008), The Good Night, The Good Shepherd, The Omen (2006), The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou,  Layer Cake, Sky Captain and The World Of Tomorrow, Sylvia, Open Range, The Actors, Ali G In Da House, Charlotte Gray, Gosford Park, High Heels and Low Lifes, Sleepy Hollow, The insider, Plunkett & Macleane, Dancing at Lughnasa, The Gambler, Wings Of The Dove, Mary Reilly, The Innocent Sleep, Two Deaths, Nothing Personal, A Man Of No Importance, The Browning Version (1994), Toys, Mobsters, The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover, A Dry White Season, The Rachel Papers, Paris By Night, The Singing Detective (TV)
  • Om Puri: The Hundred-Foot Journey, The Reluctant Fundamentalist, West Is West, Shoot On Sight, Charlie Wilson’s War, The Ballad Of Mangal Pandey (voice), Code 46, The Parole Officer, East Is East, Such a Long Journey, My Son The Fanatic, The Ghost and The Darkness, Brothers In Trouble, Wolf (1994), In Custody, City Of Joy
  • Manish Dayal: Agents of SHIELD (TV), The Hundred-Foot Journey, 90210 (TV)
  • Denzil Smith: The Lunchbox
  • Tanveer Ghani: Amar Akbar & Tony, Eastenders (TV), Bhaji On The Beach
  • Lily Travers: Me Before You
  • Simon Williams: Holby City (TV), Doctor Who (TV), The Fiendish Plot of Dr Fu Manchu, The Prisoner of Zenda, Jabberwocky, Upstairs Downstairs (TV), The Blood of Satan’s Claw
  • Darshan Jariwala: Eaten by Lions, Million Dollar Awrm
  • Roberta Taylor: Green Street 3 – Never Back Down, The Bill (TV), Eastenders (TV), Tom & Viv
  • David Hayman: Two Graves, Fisherman’s Friends, Hatton Garden (TV), Finding Your Feet, Taboo (TV), Macbeth (2015), Dartmoor Killing, Queen & Country, Castles In The Sky, Jack Ryan – Shadow Recruit, Screwed (2011), Sawney – Flesh of Man, Burke and Hare, Flood, The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas, Rag Tale, Tailor Of Panama, Vertical Limit, The Match, My Name Is Joe, Smilla’s Feeling For Snow, Regeneration, The Jackal, The Near Room (dir),  Twin Town,  Rob Roy, The Hawk (dir), Venus Peter, Silent Scream (dir), Hope and Glory, Sid & Nancy
  • Simon Callow: Blue Iguana, The Man Who Invented Christmas, Victoria & Abdul, Hampstead, Mindhorn, Golden Years, Outlander (TV), Love’s Kitchen, Ripley Underground, The Phantom of the Opera (2004), Bright Young Things, Thunderpants, No Man’s Land, Shakespeare In Love, Bedrooms and Hallways, The Scarlet Tunic, James and The Giant Peach (voice), Ace Ventura 2, Jefferson In Paris, Streetfighter, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Soft Top Hard Shoulder, Mr & Mrs Bridge, Postcards From The Edge, Maurice, A Room With a View, Amadeus

THE VIOLATORS

by Mark'd Commode

7 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release Date: 17th June 2016

Director: Helen Walsh

Cast: Lauren McQueen, Brogan Ellis, Stephen Lord, Liam Ainsworth, Derek Barr, Callum King Chadwick, Jennifer Hennessy with Sean McKee and Roxanne Pallett

Writer: Helen Walsh

Trailer: THE VIOLATORS

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Lauren McQueen: The Wasting, The Mill (TV)
  • Brogan Ellis: Waterloo Road (TV)
  • Stephen Lord: Penny Dreadful (TV), Shameless (TV), Desperate Measures (2011), Casualty (TV), Until Death, SW 9, Common As Muck (TV), Raining Stones
  • Liam Ainsworth: Genesis, Kajaki
  • Derek Barr: Casualty (TV)
  • Jennifer Hennessy: Dickensian (TV), Psychoville (TV), Coronation Street (TV), The Office (TV)
  • Sean McKee: Dead Mans Cards, Going Off Big Time, Liam, Liverpool 1 (TV), Brookside (TV)
  • Roxanne Pallett: Habit, Devil’s Tower, It’s a Lot, Wrong Turn 6, Lake Placid 3, Emmerdale (TV)

VIKINGS – THE BERSERKERS

by Mark'd Commode

5 out of 10

Release Date: 15th September 2014 (DVD Premiere)

REVIEW COMING SOON

Director: Antony Smith

Cast: Sol Heras, Douglas Russell, Amber Jean Rowan, Kezia Burrows, Freddie Hutchins, Lily Stanton, Harry Feltham and Simon Armstrong

Writer: Antony Smith

Trailer: VIKING – THE BERSERKERS

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

 

 

VAMPIRES (2014) aka BLOODLESS

by Mark'd Commode

2 out of 10

Release Date: 31st January 2014 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Richard Johnstone

Cast: Victoria Hopkins, Anna Scott, Lucas Hansen, Melissa Advani, Angela Zahra, Louis Murrall, Edd Muruako, Kristian James, Patrick Wilde, Judith Alexander, Holly Newton, Jody Baldwin, Stewart Blackburn and Bill Fellows

Writer: Richard Johnstone

Trailer: No Trailer Available

vampires-101-dvd

Oh dear. Vampires meet Big Brother. Several couples go on a medical trail at a remote old castle. Little do they know that their hosts are really blood harvesting fang-faced killers.

This film boasts not one but two heroines. One is tough and smelly looking (VICTORIA HOPKINS – ZOMBIE WOMEN OF SATAN) and one (ANNA SCOTT) is a dumb middle-class blonde who doesn’t understand anything that’s going on around her. They are the only two characters that make any impression out of the procession of boring wallys that fill out the large cast. There’s a child vampire (HOLLY NEWTON) who impresses in a quite way, in that everybody else looks like they’re too cold to deliver they’re lines comfortably.

The plot shambles from one poorly set-up, nonsensical scenario to the next. The characters are set against one-another by their carers / vampires in disguise to test the stress related drugs in the trial. Alarms are tripped, doors are banged upon, and a dog is set loose making some of the number disappear.

Most of the script is terrible. It’s so bad that even a professional actor would struggle to find a way to deliver the lines in anyway sensibly. As the vampires finally show up and the cast dwindles, the pace seems to pick up, but it’s all an illusion as the film was stood still, this material is slow. The make up and gore is pretty good but none of the SFX made up for a badly editing, underlit scenes and terrible acting.  Crucially, it’s unscary and vampire followers will do well to give this one a swerve. It’s shows no sign of improvement as it goes through some ‘obvious’ motions. It even squanders it’s wonderful castle location. Fangs for nothing guys.

2 out of 10 – Deadly boring and amateur. The cast deserved to be bitten in the collective neck, forever… vor hor horrrrr.

Another review by Bat Usher below..

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?