0-9

1917

by Mark'd Commode

8 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 8th January 2020

Director: Sam Mendes (James Bond – Spectre / James Bond – Skyfall / Away We Go /  Reservation Road / Jarhead / The Road To Perdition / American Beauty)

Cast: George MacKay, Dean-Charles Chapman, Claire Duburcq, Andrew Scott, Mark Strong, Adrian Scarborough, Daniel Mays, Richard McCabe, Michael Jibson and Richard Madden with Colin Firth and Benedict Cumberbatch

Writer: Sam Mendes & Krysty Wilson-Cairns

Trailer: 1917

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

24 HOURS IN LONDON

by Mark'd Commode

1 out of 10

Release date: 20 January 2020 (DVD premiere)

Director: Paul Knight

Cast: Kris Johnson, Fiona Skinner, Danny Midwinter, Marc Bannerman, Danny Young, Nisaro Karim, Neal Ward, Karl Hughes, Jason Wing, Clara Maria Fox, Joanna May Parker with Jonathan Hansler and Ewen MacIntosh

Writer: Paul Knight

Trailer: 24 HOURS IN LONDON

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24 Hours in Poundland sees yet another clueless div try their hand at directing a British gangster film. This was one was so rubbish, I’m now actually convinced that this is another example of an emerging film movement like French New Wave, (Essex Poo Wave?) where directors go about making films without learning how to direct, use sound equipment or block scenes effectively. It’s got to be a school of thought or a style I’ve not yet read up on.  Film students all across England are probably taking notes in how to make a film with zero skill and aplomb as we speak. There are so many films this shoddy, I’m absolutely certain that they are in a point scoring competition to make the worst film on the market. It’s a case of ‘well, if they can get away with releasing a film that cack, I surely can… I can ever go one better / worse…’  I’m astonished to see that there are actors who actually think that turning up to be in these films will do their careers any good. Some of them have to be in it purely for the catering. On the evidence of 24 Hours In London, I think the actors showed up just to share a Pot Noodle.

This apalling attempt at a revenge flick has no redeeming features, it’s a shame that Kris Johnson (HOOLIGAN LEGACY) (who I highly rate as an actor) can’t find a decent agent to help him escape from these unfinished, amateur productions.  The rest of the cast flounder about like landed fish at a roller disco…  Worst of all are the established Ewen MacIntosh  (THE OFFICE) and a ludicrous pantomime performance by a clueless actress called Clara Maria Fox (TOOTH FAIRY), as a ‘posh’ brief. Her accent is funnier than a week’s worth of T&A jokes.  Elsewhere, thhe sound makes much of the dialogue incomprehensible, the voices we can hear mangle the film’s clunky and unrealistic script, and the only good thing to come out of this misadventure was the short running time. Being short is the best thing about all films like this. I’m off to trap my head in a car door to cheer myself up.

1 out of 10 – I’ve got it, the movement is called Cinema du Caca….

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

2036 – ORIGIN UNKNOWN

by Mark'd Commode

5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 7th August 2018 (DVD premiere)

Director: Hasraf Dulull (The Beyond)

Cast: Katee Sackhoff, Ray Fearon, Julie Cox, David Tse (voice) and Steven Cree (voice)

Trailer: 2036 – ORIGIN UNKNOWN

Writer: Hasraf Dulull & Gary Hall

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

 

10×10

by Mark'd Commode

2.5 out of 10

Release date: 2nd September 2018 (DVD premiere)

Director: Suzi Ewing

Cast: Luke Evans, Kelly Reilly, Norma Dixit, Olivia Chenery, Skye Lucia Degruttola, Jill Winternitz, Stacey Hall, Benjamin Hoetjes with Jason Maza and Noel Clarke

Writer: Noel Clarke

Trailer: 10×10

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Ridiculous, overly convoluted thriller with more holes in its plot than a teabag, 10×10 puts some overexperienced actors through the wringer for the sake of a few tepid thrills. In the 1990s, a thriller like this came out every other week, where a seemingly good person was outed as a twisted psycho – they usually starred actors like Tom Berenger, Nick Nolte or Don Johnson – now here we have Luke Evans (THE FAST & THE FURIOUS 6) pitched against Kelly Reilly (TRUE DETECTIVE (TV)). The former kidnaps the latter and locks her in a 10×10 metres squared cell in his luxury house. Is he a serial killer? Or is his motive somewhat nobler? Well it’s cat and mouse, where the cat and mouse keep on switching place. Except the viewer is always a few steps ahead of our hero/heroine and it makes for a frustrating watch.

Opportunities for escape are squandered by the quarry, as the captor makes ridiculously daft judgements and takes unlikely risks, including a daylight abduction in a very busy supermarket car park which takes far too long to have been something planned and executed by an ‘intelligent’ character.  As a whole 10×10 is self-defeating because rather than thrill it confounds all expectations at being anything near competent. It’s a shame as its well made, and the actors are convinced they are making a worth while film, yet the script is full of jaw-dropping twists that take the audience for born yesterday morons.

Look out for the producer/actors Noel Clarke (I KILL GIANTS) and Jason Maza (BULLETPROOF (TV)) in a pair of very unshowy roles – it makes you wonder why they caught a plane to Atlanta for extended walk-on parts, besides a jolly. The film is very disappointing considering that the look, the finish and the performances all indicate a desire to make real ‘Hollywood-style’ films on a small-budget but these dudes have sold their puzzle-solving audiences short with a dumb actioner disguised as a think-piece twister – only this one thinks it’s far cleverer than it really is.  Floppy.

2.5 out of 10 – Well made but too far-fetched of plot to be thrilling despite decent performances from the game leads. Nothing new here to get excited about. This isn’t 10×10 it’s 2.5 over 10.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

 

12 DEATHS OF CHRISTMAS

by Mark'd Commode

1 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 20 November 2017 (DVD premiere)

Director: James Klass (House on Elm Lake)

cast: Claire-Maria Fox, Faye Godwin, Tony Manders, Michelle Archer, Dottie James, Oliver Ebsworth, Tom Bowen, Amy Burrows, Sian Crisp, Tim Freeman with Becca Fletcher and Tara MacGowran

Writer: James Klass

Trailer: 12 DEATHS OF CHRISTMAS

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

100 STREETS

by Mark'd Commode

5 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release date: 11 November 2016

Director: Jim O’Hanlon (A Touch a Cloth (TV))

Cast: Idris Elba, Gemma Arterton, Charlie Creed-Miles, Franz Drameh, Kierston Wareing, Tom Cullen, Jo Martin, Kola Bokinni, Duayne Boachie, Ryan Gage with Ashley Thomas and Ken Stott

Writer: Leon Butler

Trailer: 100 STREETS

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

45 YEARS

by Mark'd Commode

10 out of 10

Release Date: 28th August 2015

Director: Andrew Haigh (Weekend)

Cast: Charlotte Rampling, Tom Courtenay, Geraldine James, David Sibley, Richard Cunningham and Dolly Wells

Writer: Andrew Haigh

Trailer: 45 YEARS

imagesWriter / Director Andrew Haigh could be the saviour of serious British cinema such is the success of this film and his last one Weekend. He makes films about ordinary people with stories of routines and comfort thrown into disarray by a game changing event.  In this case Geoff (TOM COURTENAY – QUARTET) receives a letter informing him that the body of his first girlfriend has been found after she fell down a fissure in a Swiss glacier 50 years earlier.  Said communication arrives a week before his 45th anniversary of his marriage to his wife Kate (CHARLOTTE RAMPLING – ANGEL HEART) and they’re throwing a gigantic party. As Geoff is quietly shook to the core by this news, Kate tries to help him cope. Slowly but surely she begins to suspect that Geoff has been in love with the dead woman all along and that their marriage may be a cruel sham.

As with many couples that have been together for decades, a short hand develops and communications seem to run on a series of assumptions. Even direct confrontations are avoided in order to keep the peace and that’s what I liked about 45 Years. The film is packed with moments of quiet realisation and slow heartbreak, and it never loses sight of what is real. Both of the leads give exemplary performances and even though Geoff is no angel, anybody who still pines for a lost love will empathise with his pre-occupation with an unobtainable past. 45 Years almost works as a ghost story (but not in the broad sense) because the dead girl haunts Geoff’s every waking moment. He even buys her old perfume and looks at old slides of her in the attic. Everywhere she turns to look, even the past, reveals evidence unhitherto seen, that had been hidden in plain view all along. It’s a superb slow burn with an intriguing mystery at it’s centre.

Perfectly paced and acted, it’s full of small details. It’s a sad film that never strikes a false note and an icy reminder that we never ever know what’s going on in somebody else’s head even if we’ve been married to them for decades.

10 out of 10 – Sad, real and an emotional treat for those that thought original British cinema was dead.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

  • Charlotte Rampling:  The Forbidden Room, Broadchurch (TV), Dexter (TV), Night Train To Lisbon, The Sea, Nymphomaniac, Eye of the Storm, I Anna, Cleanskin, Melancholia, Never Let Me Go, Streetdance, The Invisible Woman, The Duchess, Babylon AD, Basic Instinct 2, Swimming Pool, I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead, Spy Game, Under The Sand, The Wings Of The Dove, Paris By Night, DOA (1987), Angel Heart, Max Mon Amour, The Verdict, Stardust Memories, Orca, Sherlock Holmes in New York (TV), Jackpot, Farewell My Lovely, Caravan to Vaccares, The Night Porter, Zardoz, Henry VIII and His Six Wives, Vanishing Point, Asylum, The Damned, Georgy Girl
  • Tom Courtenay:  Dad’s Army, The Legend of Barney Thomson, Night Train To Lisbon, Quartet, Gambit (2012), The Golden Compass, Flood, Nicholas Nickleby (2002), Last Orders, Whatever Happened To Harold Smith?, A Rather English Marriage (TV), The Boy From Mercury, Let Him Have It, The Dresser, Catch Me a Spy, One Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich, A Dandy in Aspic, The Day the Fish Came Out, The Night of the Generals, Doctor Zhivago, King Rat, Operation Crossbow, King and Country, Billy Liar, Private Potter, The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner
  • Geraldine James: Alice In Wonderland 2, Robot Overlords, Diana, Utopia (TV), The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2012), Sherlock Holmes 2, Made In Dagenham, Arthur (2011), Alice In Wonderland (2010), Sherlock Holmes (2009), Calendar Girls, The Luzhin Defence, Band Of Gold (TV), The Man Who Knew Too Little, Moll Flanders (1996), The Bridge (1992), Teen Agent, The Tall Guy, The Wolves Of Willoughby Chase, Gandhi
  • David Sibley: The Sleeping Room
  • Richard Cunningham: Breakdown (2016)
  • Dolly Wells: Black Mountain Poets, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Benny & Jolene, Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy (TV), Dolly & Em (TV), Some Girls (TV), Spy (TV), Morvern Callar

THREE IN A BED

by Mark'd Commode

4.5. out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release Date: 1st August 2014 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Lloyd Eyre-Morgan (Celluloid)

Cast: Brennan Reece, Darren Bransford, Verity May-Henry, Coby Hamilton, Kimberley Simpson, Louisa Bettine and Jody Latham

Writer: Lloyd Eyre-Morgan

Trailer: THREE IN A BED

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

’71

by Mark'd Commode

6 out of 10

Release Date: 10th October 2014

Director: Yann Demange (White Boy Rick / Top Boy (TV) / Dead Set (TV) / Skins (TV) / Secret Diary of a Call Girl (TV))

Cast: Jack O’Connell, Sam Reid, Sean Harris, Richard Dormer, Charlie Murphy, Killian Scott, Barry Keoghan, Martin McCann, Babou Ceesay, Corey McKinley, Sam Hazeldine, Jack Lowden, Paul Popplewell with David Wilmot and Paul Anderson

Writer: Gregory Burke

Trailer: ’71

Review below by Matt Usher aka Joe Pesci II

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

THREE AND OUT

by Mark'd Commode

4 out of 10

REVIEW COMING SOON

Release Date: 25th April 2008 (DVD Premiere)

Director: Jonathan Hershfield (Party Pieces)

Cast: Mackenzie Crook, Colm Meaney, Imelda Staunton, Gemma Arterton, Gary Lewis, Annette Badland, Mark Benton, Rhashan Stone, Sharon Duncan-Brewster with Kerry Katona and Anthony Sher

Writer: Steve Lewis & Tony Owen

Trailer: THREE AND OUT

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT PERSON IN BEFORE?

  • Mackenzie Crook: In Secret, Muppets Most Wanted, One Chance, Cheerful Weather For The Wedding, Game of Thrones (TV), Tintin (voice), Ironclad, Sex & Drugs & Rock-N-Roll, Solomon Kane, City of Ember, Pirates Of The Caribbean 3, I Want Candy, Pirates Of The Caribbean 2,  The Brothers Grimm, Churchill – The Hollywood Years, Finding Neverland, The Merchant Of Venice (2004), Sex Lives Of The Potato Men, Pirates Of The Caribbean, The Office (TV)
  • Colm Meaney: One Chance, A Belfast Story, Alan Partridge – Alpha Papa, The Hot Potato, The Cold Light Of Day, Bel Ami, Parked, Get Him To The Greek,  The Damned Utd, Intermission, This Is My Father, Claire Dolan, Con Air, The Road To Wellville, War Of The Buttons, The Committments, The Snapper, The Van, Star Trek – Deep Space 9 (TV), Under Siege, Into the West, The Last Of The Mohicans (1992), Far and Away, Die Hard 2
  • Imelda Staunton: Paddington (voice), Pride (2014), Maleficent, The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists (voice),  Another Year, The Awakening, Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows – Part 1, Harry Potter & The Order Of The Phoenix, Freedom Writers, Shadow Man,  Nanny McPhee,  Vera Drake,  Blackball, Chicken Run (voice), Remember Me,  Twelth Night (1996), Sense and Sensibility, Much Ado About Nothing(1993), Peter’s Friends
  • Gemma Arterton: Gemma Bovery, Voices, Runner Runner, Byzantium, Song For Marion, Hansel and Gretel- Witch Hunters, The Clash of The Titans (2010),The Disappearance Of Alice Creed,  James Bond- Quantum Of Solace, Tamara Drewe, Prince Of Persia, St Trinians 2, The Boat That Rocked, Rock-N-Rolla, St Trinians
  • Gary Lewis: Filth, Not Another Happy Ending, When The Lights Went Out, Neds, Goal 3, Valhalla Rising, Yasmin, Eragon, True North, Goal!, Ae Fond Kiss, Gangs Of New York, Shiner, Billy Eliiott, Gregory’s Girl 2, The Match, East Is East, Orphans, My Name Is Joe, My Name Is Joe
  • Annette Badland: Eastenders (TV), Mother’s Milk, Legacy – Black Ops, Cutting It (TV), Dr Who (TV), Valiant (voice), Club Le Monde, Honest, Little Voice, 24-7 – Twentyfourseven, Hollow Reed, Angels and Insects, Captives, Beyond Bedlam, Anchoress, Making Out (TV), Bergerac (TV), Jabberwocky
  • Mark Benton: The Devil Went Down To Islington, Waterloo Road (TV), Breaking and Entering, Booze Cruise 3 (TV), Booze Cruise 2 (TV), Early Doors (TV), The Booze Cruise (TV), Mr In-Between, Topsy Turvy, The Lost Son, The Sea Change, Career Girls, Boon (TV)
  • Rhashan Stone: The Bill (TV), Desmonds (TV)
  • Kerry Katona: Celebrity Big Brother (TV), This Morning (TV), Dancing On Ice (TV), Loose Women (TV), Kerry Katona – The Next Chapter (TV)
  • Anthony Sher: War Book, Churchill – The Hollywood Years, The Miracle Maker (voice), Shakespeare In Love, Alive and Kicking (1996), Wind In The Willows (1995), The Young Poisoner’s Handbook, Erik The Viking