SURVIVOR

3.5 out of 10

UK / US co-production

Release Date: 5th June 2015

Director: James McTeighe (The Raven / Ninja Assassin / V For Vendetta)

Cast: Milla Jovovich, Pierce Brosnan, Dylan McDermott, James D’Arcy, Roger Rees, Frances de la Tour, Benno Furmann, Genevieve O’Reilly with Angela Bassett and Robert Forster

Writer: Philip Shelby

Trailer: Survivor

Take  A Christmas Star as ‘Exhibit A’ that Pierce Brosnan no longer gives a monkey’s arse what happens to his film career post-Bond. This is ‘Exhibit B’. In Survivor, he takes the role of cardboard villain – The Watchmaker – who is supposedly the world’s scariest hitman, one that’s had some much facial reconstruction nobody knows what he looks like anymore. Milla Jovovich (CHAPLIN) plays the world’s most unlikely Intelligence agent at the US Embassy in London. She rumbles a conspiracy plot to smuggle evil chemists into America via a dodgy in-house via racquet run by her compromised boss, Bill (ROBERT FORSTER – MULHOLLAND DRIVE). In surviving a bomb blast to eliminate her whole team of paper pushers, she is then chased by The Watchmaker, who in turn frames her for the many bad things he does in an effort to find her. Meanwhile, good cops Dylan McDermott (IN THE LINE OF FIRE) and James D’Arcy (JUPITER ASCENDING) attempt to bring her in.

This is a dumb chase movie in the mould of The Fugitive or The Net but it comes across as a rote, sleepwalker of a retread of the Jason Bourne films. Like so many middle-weight movies, Survivor fails to distinguish itself. Even London looks embarrassed to be here, as the film clunks around like a 90s straight to video sequel to the Ipcress Files with none of the brains.

Good American actors are squandered in thankless roles, as they hover around in search of scraps that the two leads may have dropped. But sadly the ones at the top are living on scraps too. I’ve always suspected Pierce Brosnan of being a lazy actor, and beside being my favourite James Bond, elsewhere (with little exception) he’s played and mugged too broadly to ever convince he’s anyone but a showboating, handsome actor. He does nothing to change my opinion here and unless he’s got another Seraphim Falls alike or Love Is All You Need alike, he’s going to end up on the joker list of past heroes like Roger Moore or Burt Reynolds. Doomed to a life of cameos on the reboot of Smokey & The Bandit or Cannonball Run (hahaha).

Milla Jovovich fares no better with another non-role to mark time between her husband Paul WS Anderson‘s next Resident Evil holiday in hell. She’s competent enough but she looks put out and impatient on this occasion. Role on Resident Evil 6 or is it 7?

3.5 out of 10 – Stale chase thriller that moves slower than the average slug. Nonsensical plot devices and another dead fart of a performance from Ireland’s most laziest movie star, Pierce Brosnan.

WHAT HAVE I SEEN THAT ACTOR IN BEFORE?

• Milla Jovovich: Resident Evil 6, Resident Evil 5, The Three Musketeers (2011), Stone, Resident Evil 4, The Fourth Kind, A Perfect Getaway, Resident Evil 3, Ultraviolet, Resident Evil 2, Resident Evil, Zoolander, The Claim (2000), Million Dollar Hotel, Joan of Arc, The Fifth Element, Dazed and Confused, Chaplin, Kuffs, Return To The Blue Lagoon, Two Moon Junction
• Pierce Brosnan: A Christmas Star, No Escape (2015), Some Kind of Wonderful, The November Man, The Love Punch, A Long Way Down, Love Is All You Need, The World’s End, Remember Me, The Ghost, Percy Jackson, Mamma Mia!, Married Life, Seraphim Falls, The Matador, After The Sunset, Laws Of Attraction, James Bond – Die Another Day, Evelyn, The Tailor Of Panama, James Bond – The World Is Not Enough, Grey Owl, The Match, Thomas Crown Affair (1999), James Bond – Tomorrow Never Dies, The Nephew, Dante’s Peak, Mars Attacks, The Mirror Has Two Faces, Mrs Doubtfire, The Lawnmower Man, The Deceivers, The Fourth Protocol, Remington Steele (TV), Nomads, The Long Good Friday
• Dylan McDermott: Automata, Olympus Has Fallen, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Messengers, Mistress of the Spices, Runaway Jury, Wonderlnad (2003), Three To Tango, Home For The Holidays, Destiny Turns On The Radio, Miracle on 34th Street (1994), The Cowboy Way, Sleeping Dogs Lie, In The Line of Fire, Jersey Girl, Hardware, Steel Magnolias, The Blue Iguana, Hamburger Hill
• James D’Arcy: Agent Carter (TV), Downton Abbey (TV), Jupiter Ascending, Let’s Be Cops, Cloud Atlas, Hitchcock, The Age Of Heroes, W/E, Screwed (2011), Exorcist – The Beginning, Cloud Atlas, Master & Commander – The Far Side Of The World, An American Haunting, Flashbacks Of a Fool, The Trench
• Roger Rees: The Prestige, Garfield 2, The Pink Panther (2006), The West Wing (TV), Frida, The Scorpion King, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999), Robin Hood – Men In Tights, Cheers (TV), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Mountains of the Moon
• Frances de la Tour: Alice In Wonderland 2, The Lady In The Van, Mr Holmes, Vicious (TV),  Into The Woods, Trap for Cinderella, Private Peaceful, Hugo, Harry Potter- Parts 4 & 7, Alice In Wonderland (2010), The Book Of Eli, The History Boys, Rising Damp (TV)
• Benno Furmann: In Darkness, Mutant Chronicles, Speed Racer, Joyeux Noel, The Sin Eater, My House In Umbria
• Genevieve O’Reilly: Banished (TV), Forget Me Not, Episodes (TV)
• Angela Bassett: London Has Fallen, Chi-Raq, White Bird In a Blizzard, Black Nativity, Olympus Has Fallen, This Means War, Green Lantern, Jumping The Broom, ER (TV), Notorious, Akeelah & The Bee, Mr & Mrs Smith, Mr 3000, Sunshine State, The Score, Supernova, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Contact, Waiting To Exhale, Vampire In Brooklyn, Panther, Strange Days, What’s Love Got To Do With It?, Malcolm X, Innocent Blood, Passion Fish, Critters 4, City of Hope, Boyz-n-the Hood
• Robert Forster: Twin Peaks (TV), London Has Fallen, Automata, The Descendants, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Thick As Thieves, Rise – Blood Hunter, Lucky Number Slevin, Firewall, Grand Theft Parsons, Charlie’s Angels 2, Like Mike, Mulholland Drive, Me Myself & Irene, Supernova, Psycho (1998), American Perfekt, Jackie Brown, Original Gangstas, Scanner Cop 2, American Yakuza, Maniac Cop 3, Chequered Flag, The Delta Force, Alligator, The Black Hole